Mother’s Day is almost here, Campus Divas! And to celebrate we thought we would take this time to remember how it felt to leave the nest for the first time and move out on our own! Think of it as the empty nest experience from a daughter’s point of view.

We asked three of our Diva Team members the same question: How did leaving home affect the mother-daughter relationship?

Alyssa (aka Our Newly Out of the Home Diva)

I am one of those daughters that waited a very long time to leave the nest. In my defense, both of the post-secondary schools I attended were local and so there was no need for me to live on my own or in residence. It also made sense economically to live at home, but at the age of 25, I was ready to take the leap and live away from home for the first time.

There was just one problem. I am a bit of a hoarder! I love to go to yard sales and thrift stores to discover amazing finds for my “dream apartment” and so when it came time to actually move everything into that apartment, yikes! Moving makes you realize just how much stuff you have stored in one bedroom.

The entire day was a bit of a blur but I think I will always remember when I came back from the second trip that my dad and I took to get a few more things. I got inside the apartment and found that my mom had unpacked and put away a lot of my stuff! She had made my bed, set up my closet, and even put away my kitchen hardware. Even as I was leaving the nest she made sure that I was looked after as much as possible and she even gifted me a new electric tooth brush to make sure I would take care of my teeth (lol thanks mom). She really is the sweetest mom I could ask for and moving out has really made me appreciate all that she has done for me in my life.

Even now just a few days after moving out of the nest I have already called her to talk about our plans to go to some yard sales this weekend and just to talk about our days. She really isn’t just my mom, she is also one of my best friends and I know that moving won’t change that. I am looking forward to Mother’s Day this year when I can show that appreciation. Spoiler: I am taking my mom on a wine tour in Niagara for Mother’s Day this year!

Paige (aka Our Seasoned Out of the Nest Diva)

At 17, my parents and I drove hours from home into the parking lot of my new ‘home’ at a university campus. The goodbye had to be one of the hardest goodbye’s I’ve ever experienced, especially because I’ve never been apart from my parents for that long. My relationship with my parents growing up, especially with my mom, was very important to me. My mom and I were like peanut butter and jelly, we were best friends. I would tell her everything I would tell all my girlfriends. The thought of being away from home and losing that valuable connection was terrifying. As their car drove away, I knew that the first few weeks were going to be a huge adjustment.

After five years, I’m still living away from home – now moved in with my boyfriend. My mom and I still continue our amazing relationship. Those five years at university taught me a great deal of maturity. It taught me not to take things for granted, appreciate the small things, and always find a reason to call home (for me it wasn’t hard because my mom and I talk on the phone at least 5 times a day). My mother was there through the tough grades, the drama, and the monthly phone calls of “I want to come home,” but she always encouraged me not to give up.

Living away from home was probably the best thing that could have happened to my relationship with my mom. As I matured through the many different stages of university and being away from home, my mom grew with me. We created new experiences together and always knew that home wasn’t too far away. I believe that because of my relationship with my mom, I’m able to do so much more on my own. My mom taught me all the valuable lessons in life and now those lessons are being brought into my new home.

Nina (aka Our Lived Abroad Diva)

When I went off to university, well, I didn’t really go off anywhere! My university was located in my hometown, which meant I got to live at home while studying and save some money on expenses like rent and food. This arrangement worked for me financially, and I know that my mom was ecstatic to put off being an empty nester for a little while longer. She was always worried about me moving away and being on my own. I, however, was itching to get out into the world on my own and spread my wings. So when an opportunity to study abroad came up, I was more than willing to pack up and re-locate half way around the world.

When I left home for the first time, it was to go far, far away. To be exact, I moved to Paris, France for a 6-month exchange program. My initial feelings of moving out for the first time were overwhelmingly positive, engulfed in excitement at the opportunity to live and study abroad. In retrospect, I am certain that my mother went through an entirely different experience at that time sending me, her first-born daughter, off into a big city all by myself.

My relationship with my mother changed drastically after half a year abroad. My mother and I did not always see eye to eye before I left. She had grand plans of what she hoped I would do and achieve in life. As a first generation immigrant, my mother and I had not only a generational barrier when it came to seeing eye to eye, but also a cultural one. I was growing up in North America, with North American values, and she was culturally influenced by her Eastern European upbringing. From time to time, this created tension between us and while it was never tumultuous, our relationship had its ups and downs.

Studying abroad and not seeing my mom for 6 months made me appreciate her so much more. I appreciated the effort she put in every day to make sure our family unit ran smoothly, from making dinner to doing the laundry. I appreciated her effort coming home from work every day, exhausted and worn out, and still being the rock for our family’s emotional needs. I appreciated her love and affection that she gave me when I needed it in university, while stressing over exams or relationships, that was missing when I lived abroad. Of course, we Skyped as often as we could, but the time difference and busy schedules meant I couldn’t talk to my mom every day the way I did when I was still living at home with her. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate my mother before moving away, but the inability to have face-to-face time with her, to hug her, and talk to her when I needed to most was a hard lesson learned, and one that took 6,000 km and an ocean to really hit home.

Conclusion

So there we have it: Three different Divas and three different experiences leaving the nest. From our first days away from home to being gone for a longer time, we think it is safe to say that leaving the nest can be just as hard on the birds flying away as it is on the mothers, parents or guardians, we leave behind. It also absolutely has a profound effect on our relationships with them going forward.

So for all the moms, aunts, guardians and significant role models in our lives that we said goodbye to and whose homes we left behind, we just want to say those things we may not say nearly often enough:  Thank you. We love you and we miss you.